Guy of Gisburne’s Assignation

The Sheriff of Nottingham sat back in his chair with a look of great satisfaction. Five tops above average already and three rounds still to be played. Anyone who could achieve such a score opposite that miserable under-performer, Guy of Gisburne, must surely be the finest player in the land.

The castle servants valued their employment and usually made no attempt to score well against him. That much was true. Still, had he not scored just as highly against members of the court? With a less imbecilic partner, his score would have been close to 80% on this occasion.

Two malodorous serfs took their places at the table, not daring to look up at their illustrious opponents.

‘You do not greet his Lordship?’ demanded Gisburne.

‘Er… yes, it’s an honour to play against you, my Lord,’ said Percy Halfpiece.

‘Please forgive our appearance, my Lord,’ said Fred Graines. ‘The price of soap and fresh clothing is beyond our means in these troubled times. Only yesterday my wife was telling me…’

‘Be silent!’ commanded the Sheriff. What interest did he have in such scum? If they couldn’t manage their finances properly, it was hardly a concern of his.

This was the first board of the round:

West led the ♣️J and Gisburne looked nervously across the table before displaying the dummy. ‘I’ve taken a slight risk in the bidding, my Lord,’ he said. ‘My diamonds are not exactly…’

‘You appear to be confused,’ intervened the Sheriff. ‘It is sheep that are meant to bleat pathetically. The sole purpose of the dummy is to lay down his cards, preferably as quickly as possible.’

The Sheriff was relieved to see such powerful trumps hit the table. Yes, with reasonable breaks, thirteen tricks would be easy. ‘Ace,’ he said. ‘And the ace of spades.’

When West showed out on this trick, Gisburne was somewhat alarmed. Was it his fault if trumps broke 5-0? Surely his Lordship wouldn’t blame him for that?

The Sheriff paused to assess the implications of the bad trump break. If the three side-suit AK combinations could be cashed without an adverse ruff, he would have to score six more trump tricks on a cross-ruff. He would need to ruff the third round of hearts with the ♠️2. If East’s shape was something like 5-3-2-3, it seemed it could be done.

The Sheriff cashed dummy’s remaining club honour. He then crossed to the ❤️K and played the ❤️A, discarding dummy’s last club. On this trick, East followed with the ❤️Q. The Sheriff winced. It could hardly be more obvious that East had begun with only two hearts. The plan of ruffing a heart with the ♠️2 would have to be abandoned. What else could he try?

The Sheriff led a low diamond from his hand. ‘Play the jack,’ he commanded.

When East followed impotently with a low diamond, the Sheriff returned to his hand with a trump to the nine and repeated the diamond finesse, East following suit.

These cards remained:

‘Diamond ace,’ said the Sheriff.

The defence was at an end. If East ruffed one of the top diamonds, declarer would overruff and draw the remaining trumps. Dummy would then be high. If, instead, East declined to ruff either diamond, declarer would discard two hearts and score his three trump honours with a high cross-ruff.

The Sheriff displayed his cards. ‘The rest are mine,’ he said.

‘Yes, indeed, my Lord,’ said a relieved Fred Graines. His five-card trump holding had been burning like hot coals in his hand. Just imagine the consequences if they had caused the downfall of the Sheriff’s grand slam! His wife would be lucky to see him again.

‘But the serf still has three trumps, my Lord,’ said Gisburne.

‘Yes, also sufficient grey matter to realise that he will have no defence when I play dummy’s top diamonds,’ retorted the Sheriff.

Gisburne blinked. ‘Quite so, my Lord. You played it well.’

The last round of the evening saw the arrival of the Bishop of Leicester at the Sheriff’s table. A larger than life character, with his midriff swathed in purple, he was a respected player of the cards.

‘Is Your Worship enjoying his session with us?’ enquired the Sheriff.

‘Well enough,’ replied the Bishop. ‘Four tops over would win any game back in Leicester. I hear that the serfs toss in their cards against you and we’re likely to come second.’

Gisburne leaned forward. ‘Name the man who tells such lies and before nightfall he’ll be suspended by his thumbs in the castle dungeon!’ he declared.

The Bishop chuckled to himself. ‘Very well,’ he replied. ‘It was Lady Berenice de Gautoy.’

‘Er… well, it was surely remarked in jest,’ stuttered Gisburne. ‘My Lord Sheriff’s cardplay is the finest in the land. It is well known.’

The players drew their cards for this board:

Gisburne led the ♦️10 and down went the dummy. The Bishop paused to plan the contract. If trumps were 2-2 and clubs 3-2, he could simply draw trumps and establish the club suit with a ruff. Still, there might be a better line.

Perhaps he could give up a spade trick and discard all his club losers on the spades. ‘Win with the ace,’ he instructed his partner.

The Bishop discarded the ♠️A on this trick and then ran the ♠️Q, discarding a club. Gisburne won with the ♠️K and had no constructive return. The Bishop ruffed the diamond continuation, drew trumps with the ace, king and queen and then discarded his remaining club losers on dummy’s spade winners.

‘Lead a club!’ cried the Sheriff. ‘Then he has no chance.’

‘But, my Lord, he bid clubs,’ Gisburne replied. ‘I took your diamond bid as asking for a lead.’

The Bishop turned towards Gisburne. ‘It should go down, anyway,’ he said. ‘You must let my ♠️Q win.’

Gisburne’s mouth fell open. ‘But you continue with the ♠️J,’ he replied.

‘Let that win too,’ said the Bishop.

‘Surely you continue with the ♠️10,’ persisted Gisburne.

‘Would my Lord Sheriff not then discard his singleton club?’ retorted the Bishop. ‘If I run the ♠️10, then you will give him a club ruff.’

The Sheriff glared blackly across the table. ‘I have rarely seen such an obvious defensive hold-up!’ he exclaimed. ‘What think you, Lord Bishop? Should I have my partner suspended alongside Lady Berenice de Gautoy tonight? What a handsome couple they would make!’