Beware the Quick Fix

Around us at the Riverside there was a smaller than usual attendance for the last round of Draw for Teams, in which each pair draws another pair as teammates for each round of the competition. It has never been a popular event and entries had been falling.

Jo, Kate and I were seated in the bar. Kate was relating the actions of her neighbour. Apparently there had been a damp patch on his bedroom ceiling. In the loft he could see water dripping, but being unable to locate its source he placed a bucket on the rafters as a quick fix.

Months later, long after the damp patch had dried out, a full bucket came through the ceiling and landed on the bed below. Whether or not anyone was in the bed at the time was not reported, as at that moment Millie arrived and interrupted the tale with, ‘Wow, Jo, I like your new outfit. Pillar Box red isn’t it? Don’t open your mouth or someone will post a letter.’

I changed the subject by informing Millie that we had drawn the current leaders, Neil and Len, as teammates for the evening. Millie seemed satisfied with that scenario and with drinks in hand the four of us went through to the bridge room.

Dealer South. E/W Game.

¹ Strong diamond
² Artificial, limited values

Jo led the jack of diamonds and the defence was error-free, defeating the contract by one trick for a small negative swing on the board. Neil suggested to Len that the latter’s hand, with only 24 opening points, was not strong enough for a diamond opener and suggested the auction:

The contract was made with five hearts and two diamonds. Of course two hearts and two spades were viable contracts.

When we scored up at the end of the session, it turned out that Len and Neil’s auction had been more ambitious. Len, South, opened an artificial one diamond showing a hand containing a minimum of 16 HCP or rule of 25. With no interference from Jo and Kate, Neil bid an artificial one spade showing semi-positive values with less than three controls, where an ace is valued as two and a king as one. Len bid his heart suit, Neil showed his spades and Len’s two no-trumps completed the auction.

The contract was made with five hearts and two diamonds. Of course two hearts and two spades were viable contracts.

When we scored up at the end of the session it turned out that Len and Neil’s auction had been more ambitious. Len, South, opened an artificial one diamond showing a hand containing a minimum of 16 HCP or rule of 25.

With no interference from Jo and Kate, Neil bid an artificial one spade showing semi-positive values with less than three controls, where an ace is valued as two and a king as one. Len bid his heart suit, Neil showed his spades and Len’s two no-trumps completed the auction.

Len countered by noting that the contract makes if the East and West hands were reversed.

Although our team didn’t win on the night, we did well enough for Neil and Len to win overall in the club Draw for Teams competition.

We left them at the table still earnestly discussing the best sequence for the part-score board and the possible need for a system revision requiring the one-diamond opener to contain 16+ HCP and obey the rule of 25.

In the pub later, Millie warned Jo, Kate and me against quick fixes in bridge. Jo commented that the concept applied to home maintenance as well, and Kate added that it was lucky the bucket was plastic.

Three members of our quartet were now giggling uncontrollably. Having missed Kate’s cautionary parable in the bar, our fourth member, Millie, was looking completely bewildered by our behaviour.

✅ End of Article — “Beware the Quick Fix”
(A Riverside Bridge Club story featuring Millie, Jo, Kate, Len & Neil.)